Archive for humor

Wow, this week has just cruised on by! We had a great Mother’s Day at Kennywood!  The lines were almost non-existent, the weather was cool but nice, and we had a great time.  Here’s my favorite picture of the girls from that day:

That’s them on the kiddie coaster. But they had a great time on the Jackrabbit, too!
I thought I would share some of my Mother’s Day love…and laughs.  First off, I got a very cute card from Chloe that she made in preschool.  Inside, it had a cute photo of her out in the garden.  Then, I got Becca’s card.  She had been talking about it for three days.  It was a big surprise.  I totally cried when I read it.  Here are some of the pages:

So, that one is “My favorite time together is when we…lay together in my bed.”  Cute.  Really, though, my legs aren’t quite that skinny.  


Yup, Becca wants to give me an indoor pool.  Not quite sure where we would put that one…and I think it may be more for HER.

Yup, this one makes me cry.  How totally sweet.  Really, I look like ass in the morning.   But at least I have my daughters snowed.  And I’m not sure why I don’t have any clothes on in this picture, but I don’t sleep in the buff.  I’m always too cold for that.  Now the next one has a little story:
Now, at first look it seems innocent enough.  “My favorite thing about my mother is we both like to play.”  I was reading the little book/card out loud.  When I got to this page, Becca exclaimed “Hey!  It’s not supposed to say we both like to play!  It’s suppposed to say we both want a slave!”
The laughter just roared out of my mouth.  I said “Becca, I never said I wanted a SLAVE.  I said I wanted a MAID!”  I explained how having people as slaves is a completely terrible idea.  She was fine with my explanation.  Then I wondered…did the teacher choose not to write the whole slave thing because she felt uncomfortable with that?  I mean, I may have done the same thing…don’t get me wrong.  Then I thought ‘play’ and ‘slave’ could sound very much alike.  Especially in a noisy kindergarten classroom.  I was hoping that she heard ‘play’ instead of ‘slave’ because I really don’t want the teacher to think that I was upset with the outcome of the Civil War.  Then I looked at the picture.  Looks to me like somebody is bringing me and Becca something to eat at a table.  Servants?  Cooks?  OK, that I can handle.  I have a bunch of money and I pay them well.  I’m fine with that.
But not slaves.
Hell, I can’t even get my kids to clean up their toys.
So, that’s my Mother’s Day chuckle.  Sorry I waited a while to share it.  I had this crazy flu/cold all week.  Producing one pound of snot per hour takes a lot of energy out of ya.  But I’m almost back to normal (as normal as I can be, anyway).  
More later :)
Mar
18

Rats and Birthday Cake

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I have very mixed feelings about Chuckie Cheese.

Strictly as an entrepreneur and business woman, I think it’s great. There’s always money in entertaining kids. Especially when it’s mixed with giving parents a little break.

As a mom? That’s where my mixed feelings come in. I don’t really mind going to Chuckie Cheese during the week. In the afternoon. When other parents are at their regular jobs, and it’s nice and slow. It’s not a bad place when the weather is crappy and you have a bit of cabin fever. When it’s slow. Every game is only 1 token. That’s cool. And there are things that the kids can actually do on their own. Cool.

We had a bad experience with germs at Chuckie Cheese. A couple of years ago, everybody we know (including us) got sick after going to Chuckie Cheese. EVERYBODY. I blame it on the tube/slide. We all got a horrible stomach flu. Becca was 3. Chloe? 18 months. Becca got it first, and it plowed through the family. It was utterly and completely terrible. Becca was in the slide the day before she got sick. It was a Saturday. I have since found out that they clean that slide on Saturday nights (Well, at least at our Chuckie Cheese). We go early in the week now.

We also bring a VERY LARGE bottle of hand sanitizer. I am constantly putting it on their hands. When we get there (so we don’t spread any germs we might already have). Before we eat. After we eat. When we’re done playing. Again in the car. We haven’t gotten sick since that one time. But I am VERY afraid to go there in the winter – the middle of sick season.

What motivated me to write this post? Well, let me tell ya. We went to a birthday party on Sunday at ‘The Cheese.’ It was at noon. The place was completely insane. We had to wait in line to even get in. It was the longest two hours of my life. There were screaming children everywhere. When we gathered for the ‘birthday’ part, we were jammed into a corner. We ate some cardboard pizza. The kids didn’t want to sit. They wanted to play some more. It was loud. Very loud. It was a birthday party for a neighbor kid (who is very sweet, and a cutie!). But being in the middle of 8 different birthday parties all happening at the same time was just too much for me.

Sorry, kids. You’re not having your party there.

I got home, popped two Advil and considered having an adult beverage. Some days, this motherhood gig just doesn’t pay enough.

I was rejuvenated later in the evening, when Tony took the girls outside to play. Did I relax and give myself some ‘me’ time? Nah. I popped the MP3 player on, cleaned up the house and put away laundry (singing at the top of my lungs). All better. That’s all I need. Just a half an hour of escape every day or two.

Categories : drink, humor, kids, life, motherhood
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Mar
14

Happy Steak and BJ Day

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Yup, that’s what today is. Steak and BJ day. You can learn more about it at their website www.steakandbjday.com/ To sum it up, it’s the male version of Valentine’s Day.

Here in Pittsburgh, it also happens to be Parade Day. This is the day, in the past (and I’m stressing IN THE PAST, because it’s different now), that I would find my husband the most inebriated. He’s Irish. Plain and simple. They would start with beer and donuts at 8:00, head to the parade, then take the bus back into Carnegie. Carnegie was a mecca for Parade Day Partiers. Lots of bars, one of them being an Irish Pub. And we lived in Carnegie. It was the perfect storm.

Me? I’ve never been to the parade. I’m not much for a) being out in the cold – and it’s usually cold on parade day and b) large crowds of drunken people. I just don’t have the patience.

So, Steak and BJ day combined with Parade Day? That’s drinking, hanging out with buddies, steak and a blow job. That’s the perfect day for most guys I know. Now my guy? He won’t be going to the parade this year. He’ll be working at Downey’s House, keeping the fun going. He will get to hang out with his buddies a bit, but he won’t be drinking. As for the steak and BJ? He might eat a steak at the restaurant.

But he doesn’t get home until 4:00 in the morning. That’s when I’m sleeping.

Sorry, babe.

Categories : Downey's House, drink, humor
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United States of Tara on Showtime

As you might know, I’m not a huge tv girl. There are a few shows that I will record on the DVR and watch when I get time. But Tony and I do have a Sunday night ritual. It’s been going on for years. Back when Sex And The City was on HBO, we started watching shows together on Sunday nights. Sex And The City was obviously my find, but I think Tony actually enjoyed watching it. Or maybe it was Oz. We’ve been through The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, and Deadwood. Sometimes we watch Entourage, too. But most times that’s when we sit at the kitchen table and chat.

But anyway, back to the original reason for this post. I really like the newest show I’ve found…The United States of Tara. This is the first Showtime series we’ve really gotten into. We’ve only had Showtime for a year or so. And honestly, I was about to cut back on the cable. And, cue Murphy’s Law. That’s exactly when I found this show. Nothing against Showtime, but we just don’t watch that much television.

This show just cracks me up. But it’s serious, too. In a nutshell, it’s about a woman who has multiple personalities. She has decided to go off her medication and just take one day at a time. She (and her husband) want to figure out WHY these personalities are coming out. It has John Corbett as the husband, and I just like him. Ever since Northern Exposure. Now if you haven’t watched the show, don’t read the next paragraph.

SPOILER: When Tony and I saw the writing on the mural a few weeks ago, I nailed it. “There’s another personality.” I said matter-of-factly. I can’t wait to find out more about the peeing red poncho gremlin! ::END SPOILER:

I think that we all have multiple personalities. I have mommy-me, wife-me, bar owner-me, I’m just meeting you, so I’m going to be really fake-me, and on and on. But I realize that I have these personalities. And I can pick and choose them as I wish. So, I’m looking forward to our Sunday night tv time tonight! If you haven’t seen the show, watch it! Grab it on On Demand, go to a friend’s house with Showtime…whatever. And I think that True Blood is coming back on HBO some time late summer. I’ve started reading the first book that this series is based on. Maybe I can read the next one before the series starts up again!

Anything’s better than Spongebob, Baby Looney Tunes and Scooby Doo. Although, I have to admit…Phineas and Ferb is pretty funny.

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Dec
16

2008 – Looking Back

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Well, my brain is too fried to think about a topic, so I’m taking the (sort of) easy way out, and answering the following questions. Dawn from Because I Said So did the same questions, so I’m a copycat (although my answers are different).

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Wow, lots. But it mostly has to do with buying the restaurant. So, bought a bar/restaurant.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Well, I don’t really make New Years’ resolutions. But I did have goals for the year. Not to be redundant, but one goal was to get the restaurant. The other was to make $1,000 a month online. Some months I hit that one, some months I didn’t.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nobody super close. An old friend did give birth last month.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Lots of funerals this year (but nobody in the immediate family)

5. What countries did you visit?
Um, I don’t even think I left Allegheny County this year. Scratch that. I went to Washington County. And Somerset County. But no COUNTRIES.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
More family time

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory?
May 27th – 2 days after my youngest’s birthday, 2 days before my oldest’s birthday, and our first official day of business at Downey’s House.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I didn’t collapse and stay in the fetal position in tears.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Keeping up on my house. It’s terrible.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope :) (OK, everybody knock on some wood for me. I just did.)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My laptop

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Chloe’s, because right after January 1, 2008 I felt confident enough to leave the house without her in a pull-up.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Nobody specific, but lots of politicians. (Hello Dan Onorato and Allegheny County Council!)

14. Where did most of your money go?
ALL of our money went to the restaurant. Um, the money’s still there.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I know that ‘the restaurant’ is the short answer. But it was REALLY seeing Tony realize his dreams, and having all those ideas that were stuck in our heads really come to life.

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2008?
Nothing really specific here, but I did have fun picking out the ‘alcohol themed’ songs on our myspace page.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier/sadder,thinner/heavier,richer/poorer?
happier, poorer and about the same weight. Well, OK, maybe a couple of pounds heavier.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Sleep

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Christmas Eve with the Downeys and Christmas Day afternoon with the Sarnowskis!

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
Tony, because we’re really not together all that much

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Uh, no.

23. How many one night stands in this last year?
Um, none. But I do have a night stand. There are milk stains on it and it’s covered with dust.

24. What was your favourite TV program?
Stuck between ‘The Office’ and ‘True Blood’

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Dan Onorato

26. What was the best book(s) you read?
I’m trying to think if I actually read a book this year. Well, an adult book. I don’t think I did, but I have been reading the Junie B Jones series to Becca. They’re very cute.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Um, yeeeaaaahhh. I discovered that I still remember some of the words to songs you learn in preschool.

28. What did you want and get?
Restaurant

29. What did you want and not get?
Peace and quiet

30. What were your favourite films of this year?
The only one that I really watched. Sex and the City

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I don’t really remember what I did on my birthday. I do remember that I turned 38.

32. What’s one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I’m pretty satisfied.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
21st century comfortable mom

34. What kept you sane?
The nights that the kids went to bed by 8:00 and I stayed up and had time to myself.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I still think John Krasinski is adorable

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
That damn drink tax

37. Who did you miss?
My grandmother. I thought about her a lot this year.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Can’t pick just one, but I love my employees.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Realizing your dream isn’t really a ‘happy ending.’ It’s more like a ‘new beginning.’

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
‘I’m so-o-o tired. I haven’t slept a wink” – The Beatles

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