Archive for funny
The Shit’s Gettin’ Deep
Posted by: | CommentsI’ve had a shitty week.
Literally.
Lemmie tell ya about it. It all started the day after Thanksgiving. After Chloe made three trips to the bathroom within about a half an hour, and then told me that it hurt when she peed, we headed off to the pediatrician. Right away. Because it was Friday. And I learned my lesson about the emergency room a while ago. Avoid it if you can.
The pediatrician prescribed her an antibiotic. Then she asked a few questions about why she might have a uti. Long story short, Chloe’s…um…plumbing has never really flowed freely. To be blunt, both of my kids poop rabbit turds. They’ve never complained about it, and they’ve never struggled. That’s just how it’s been. The doc suggested that I put Chloe on a mild laxative (mirolax) to get her moving. I guess a bunch of back up could cause a uti. (just a little aside here…it’s funny how much you talk about poop once you become a parent. I mean, mostly when they’re in diapers and potty training. I don’t talk about poop all that much any more. But, to me, talking about poop is sort of like talking about any normal subject, like taxes).
So, after three days or so it all sort of kicked in. Chloe’s a rookie at the whole ‘wiping until you’re clean’ thing, because one swift wipe normally worked with her. So, I’ve been helping her wipe. And that’s poop story number one.
Remember our cutie patootie dog, Rex? Well, I’m not sure what he may have gotten into…or if he caught a bug…but here’s how story number two went: Tuesday night I went to sleep early. Tuesday is Tony’s early night, so he was up with the dog, but I’m not quite sure what time he came to bed. Tony set Rex all up in his crate with his girlfriend and a cushion so he would be more comfortable. When I woke up at 6:30 in the morning, I headed into the bathroom to start getting ready. I heard Rex crying downstairs. He had pooped twice in his cage (and that’s not like him at all). And no, this wasn’t an easy clean up kind of poop. It was very similar to the mirolax-induced poop. I tossed the dog outside and started cleaning poop. Soft things (including a kitchen rug) into the washing machine, cleaning out the tray of his crate. I realized that he needed cleaned also. Got him in the sink, soaped him up and sprayed him down. This was all before my coffee. I make that coffee and realize that I missed some spots. Mostly on Rex. So, he ended up with a bubble bath. I missed spots in the crate. Ugh. I still had to get everybody ready for school and me off to the gym. I made it, but it really was a shitty morning.
What, you say?!?!? There can’t possibly be another poop story in the same week!
Oh, but there is.
Story number three didn’t really involve me too much. Because BOTH of the girls have the same sort of poop going on, I thought it might not be a bad idea to give Becca some of that mirolax, too. Well, Thursday afternoon I got a call from the school nurse. Seems Becca had a little accident in math class and had to change her pants and undies. It wasn’t as terrible as it could have been, it was really just a small bit. The nurse warned me that I needed to give my attention to a bag of clothes in Becca’s backpack as soon as she got home 
Becca told me that the kids are not allowed to ask to go to the restroom during math class (which I can understand…I can see ALL the kids who hate math having to use the restroom during math class). Becca, always a stickler for the rules at school, tried to wait it out. But just couldn’t. She didn’t really make too big of a deal out of the incident. I thought for sure she would be scarred for life. But it seems she was pretty discrete about the whole thing.
So, I’m happy that this poopy week is just about over. And just as an update for anybody who cares…I’m doing great with the non-smoking thing (a did have a small breakdown, but rebounded nicely the next morning) and I’ve still been going to the gym every day.
Now I’m just waiting for the weight to start coming off so I can show off my future rock hard abs 
(sarcasm…did you hear the sarcasm?)
Vinyl Sausage
Posted by: | CommentsWe have this slide bouncer thing. It was a gift. And a darn good gift, at that. Today it was beautiful outside. So, I asked Chloe if she wanted to play on the ‘bouncy slide.’ Well, of course she did. This thing is actually pretty easy to put up. Roll it out, plug in the air compressor, tap a few stakes into the ground, and you’re good to go.
She had a blast bouncing around on this all afternoon. When Becca got home from school, they were invited to a neighbor’s house to play for a couple of hours in their back yard. Fine. ‘Me’ time is good. The homework got done, and off they went. I had the house to myself.
I also had to put that thing away.
By myself.
Thank God there wasn’t some stray parent with a video camera taping their child outside. I had to look absolutely ridiculous. I started very calm and focused. I made sure the air was out. I start folding this thing up. Unfortunately, the size of the folded ‘bouncy slide’ was about twice as big as the bag I’m supposed to put it in. I unfolded. I folded again. I straddled this damn thing, shoving it into this bag. I was laying on the grass, holding the thing on top of me.
I was a mess.
But I got it in that damn bag.
Heather – 1
Bouncy Slide – 0
Take that, Little Tikes.
Best Thing I Heard
Posted by: | CommentsI have a little ritual with my girls at bedtime. I talk with them. I spend some time reading with Chloe, then she completely leads the conversation. After Chloe dozes off, I do the same thing with Becca. The other night, as Becca and I were having our little conversation, the subject of penises came up. The little voice in my head told me ‘OK, watch what you say. Not too much. Answer her questions. Don’t scar her for life.’
The subject came up because she asked me how, when somebody is pregnant, they can tell whether it’s a boy or a girl. So, I explained the whole ultrasound thing to her, and that the doctor can see whether or not the baby has a penis. I could see her searching in her brain, wheels turning, trying to remember what in the hell a penis is. So I said to her, “Remember when we changed baby Logun’s diaper, and he had a penis?” Yes, she remembered. All was good. No scarring involved.
Then, she proceeded to tell me “It’s way better to be a girl. Because when you’re a girl, you can read a book when you go pee.”
Good point, little girl. Good point.
Awesome Video!
Posted by: | CommentsI’m not sure where exactly this video came from. My friend Nikki sent it to me, and I absolutely love it. I have no idea who the woman singing is. I went to the website listed in the corner, but couldn’t find anything. If anybody knows who I should give credit to, please let me know!!!
Happy New Year to All!
Posted by: | CommentsThe daily happenings of my life continue to amaze me. I never in a million years could have imagined how my life would be. Here’s how my day has gone so far. We all woke up on the couch, because we fell asleep waiting for the whole ball drop thing. There was coffee, breakfast (for the kids – still none for me yet) and I did the paperwork from the restaurant last night. (It was a great night at Downey’s House, btw. The wedding was great and we were super busy). Then started more motherly duties. Chloe wanted to play with her ‘Cupcake Maker’ that she got for Christmas. There’s a story behind this thing. She had been saying that she wanted it for Christmas since October. When I went to buy it, it was located next to the Easy Bake Ovens. I would have much rather bought an Easy Bake Oven over this thing. I knew it would be a bust, but it was the ONE THING that she was consistently asking for. So, I plunked down my 25 bucks, and here’s what I got:
Then they moved onto the next project. The ‘Le Cafe’ that they got last year.
So, I’ve told them that they got their two projects done, and now it’s time for Mom to work on hers. A day in the life…..and we’ve only been awake for about four hours. Heading over to the SIL’s today for traditional pork and sour kraut. DH is working at the restaurant tonight, and I see the return of ‘normal life’ on the horizon. Have a great, great New Years!!!
