Not Even a Milk Mustache


Tony and I had a little discussion yesterday.  And I needed to share the subject:

A mustache NEVER makes you look better.

All in all, Tony agreed.  Beard and mustache?  OK. Goatee?  That’s just fine.  But just a mustache?  Please, please, don’t do it.  Tony said that Burt Reynolds was an exception.  I disagree.  I mean, his mustache is iconic.  It’s part of his persona.  It’s his symbol.  If you had a t-shirt with just a mustache on it, you might think of Burt Reynolds.  But that doesn’t mean he looks BETTER with a mustache.

So, I’ve decided to lay out some rules about mustaches.  The only reasons you should have a mustache without having a goatee, beard, or that funky mohawk thing on your chin:

  • You are an annoying French waiter
  • It’s Halloween
  • You work for a circus or a carnival
  • You are a seventies porn star
  • You are in a play or movie, or you have a job in a theme park where it is required as part of your costume

So guys, if you ever think “Maybe I should grow a mustache,” Don’t.  Just don’t.  You won’t look better.  Really.  Instead, think “Maybe I should grow a goatee.”  Or something along those lines.

This has been a public service announcement.  Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Categories : Useless Tips

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