Dec
04

The Shit’s Gettin’ Deep

By

I’ve had a shitty week.

Literally.

Lemmie tell ya about it.  It all started the day after Thanksgiving.  After Chloe made three trips to the bathroom within about a half an hour, and then told me that it hurt when she peed, we headed off to the pediatrician.  Right away.  Because it was Friday.  And I learned my lesson about the emergency room a while ago.  Avoid it if you can.

The pediatrician prescribed her an antibiotic.  Then she asked a few questions about why she might have a uti.  Long story short, Chloe’s…um…plumbing has never really flowed freely.  To be blunt, both of my kids poop rabbit turds.  They’ve never complained about it, and they’ve never struggled.  That’s just how it’s been.  The doc suggested that I put Chloe on a mild laxative (mirolax) to get her moving.  I guess a bunch of back up could cause a uti.  (just a little aside here…it’s funny how much you talk about poop once you become a parent.  I mean, mostly when they’re in diapers and potty training.  I don’t talk about poop all that much any more.  But, to me, talking about poop is sort of like talking about any normal subject, like taxes).

So, after three days or so it all sort of kicked in.  Chloe’s a rookie at the whole ‘wiping until you’re clean’ thing, because one swift wipe normally worked with her.  So, I’ve been helping her wipe.  And that’s poop story number one.

Remember our cutie patootie dog, Rex? Well, I’m not sure what he may have gotten into…or if he caught a bug…but here’s how story number two went:  Tuesday night I went to sleep early.  Tuesday is Tony’s early night, so he was up with the dog, but I’m not quite sure what time he came to bed.  Tony set Rex all up in his crate with his girlfriend and a cushion so he would be more comfortable.  When I woke up at 6:30 in the morning, I headed into the bathroom to start getting ready.  I heard Rex crying downstairs.  He had pooped twice in his cage (and that’s not like him at all).   And no, this wasn’t an easy clean up kind of poop.  It was very similar to the mirolax-induced poop.  I tossed the dog outside and started cleaning poop.  Soft things (including a kitchen rug) into the washing machine, cleaning out the tray of his crate.  I realized that he needed cleaned also.  Got him in the sink, soaped him up and sprayed him down.  This was all before my coffee.  I make that coffee and realize that I missed some spots.  Mostly on Rex.  So, he ended up with a bubble bath.  I missed spots in the crate.  Ugh.  I still had to get everybody ready for school and me off to the gym.  I made it, but it really was a shitty morning.

What, you say?!?!?  There can’t possibly be another poop story in the same week!

Oh, but there is.

Story number three didn’t really involve me too much.  Because BOTH of the girls have the same sort of poop going on, I thought it might not be a bad idea to give Becca some of that mirolax, too.  Well, Thursday afternoon I got a call from the school nurse.  Seems Becca had a little accident in math class and had to change her pants and undies.  It wasn’t as terrible as it could have been, it was really just a small bit.  The nurse warned me that I needed to give my attention to a bag of clothes in Becca’s backpack as soon as she got home :) Becca told me that the kids are not allowed to ask to go to the restroom during math class (which I can understand…I can see ALL the kids who hate math having to use the restroom during math class).  Becca, always a stickler for the rules at school, tried to wait it out.  But just couldn’t.  She didn’t really make too big of a deal out of the incident.  I thought for sure she would be scarred for life.  But it seems she was pretty discrete about the whole thing.

So, I’m happy that this poopy week is just about over.  And just as an update for anybody who cares…I’m doing great with the non-smoking thing (a did have a small breakdown, but rebounded nicely the next morning) and I’ve still been going to the gym every day.

Now I’m just waiting for the weight to start coming off so I can show off my future rock hard abs ;)  (sarcasm…did you hear the sarcasm?)

Categories : exercise, funny, kids

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